My Spiritual Journey with HIV

I think back to the day I began this journey, and like all journeys, there have been hills and valleys. I found myself sitting in a doctor’s office--a doctor I knew little about--and stepping into a world I knew even less about. It was all foreign to me, and I never dreamed I would be sitting in this place!

I could not have imagined what was about to happen in this small, unfamiliar place. I was full of anger, fear, confusion, and every other negative emotion known to mankind. In the blink of an eye, a patient across the room asked if it was my first time there. I replied yes, and he began to fill me with encouragement with positive conversation. He had a positive energy about him that turned my anger into forgiveness, my fear into hope, and my confusion into knowledge. In that moment, on that day, was where my true journey with HIV began! He remains in my life and continues to be my biggest cheerleader.
One of the hardest parts of living with HIV is knowing when and to who I should disclose my status to.


In the earliest days after my diagnosis, a dear friend told me to claim Psalm 30. I refer to it often, and it reminds me that I am not defeated!

One of the hardest parts of living with HIV is knowing when and to who I should disclose my status to. I continue to be somewhat fearful of rejection, but am learning to accept that like myself before diagnosis, had so little information. I feel that when I do disclose, it is part of my responsibility to help those around me understand what HIV is.

I have grown in so many ways since being diagnosed! I am alone for the first time in 35 years, and quickly chose to embrace this opportunity to discover exactly who I am. I feel empowered in knowing that I can control who I allow in my life and am slowly regaining trust again. I have learned to live in the moment, love deeper, and not sweat the small stuff!

My spiritual journey is ongoing but has already brought me to a place I never thought I belonged! I knew that when I had been diagnosed that I needed to align myself with proven people of God. I felt as though I was forming my own personal "army", and I was choosing the ones that were willing to join me in battle. I soon could see that through their unconditional love, prayers, tears, and acceptance, that I now was prepared to fight!

I...choose to not let HIV define me, or to win this battle.


I no longer question why this was allowed in my life, but rather choose to not let HIV define me, or to win this battle. Every day is full of opportunities to make the very best of my life living with HIV.

-Deborah, 3 years

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