Flashback to 1980

Flashback to 1980 and I would have been about 20 years of age. It had become clear to me that my attraction to members of the same gender (sexually), was not a “phase” or anything that seemed changeable. Some close friends and family had a belief because I had “normal” relationships with girls, maybe it was a phase I was going through. It was not.

I was working as a chef in northern California for a couple of years, going out to local clubs and other areas where gay men hook up. During that time, I visited San Francisco and it seemed the place to be if one happened to be gay. I met a guy there who offered me a better job and away I went to pursue my new life.

Even though I have great memories of the fun and mischief I had right after moving to San Francisco, it also was when and where a horrible new pandemic of a disease was spreading. Knowing what I know now, I believe a couple of things: (1) it would have been a miracle for me not to have become infected with HIV and (2) I probably was infected in the early 1980s.

I wish I could say when the antibody test became available I rushed up to be tested, but I chose not to do that. I chose to start using condoms and being more careful. Unfortunately, I had already become infected. In 1994, I became very ill with shingles covering about 25% of my body; blisters everywhere! I ended up at a local medical clinic. I was living in Reno, Nevada by then, and again working as a chef in a hotel. I was told 7 days later that I tested positive for HIV and my T-cell count was 204. Soon I was diagnosed with AIDS and other opportunistic infections.

A couple of times at the grocery store a youngster would refer to me as that AIDS dude.


For the next 14 years or so, I worked with several AIDS service organizations and the school districts in Nevada doing HIV prevention. A couple of times at the grocery store a youngster would refer to me as “that AIDS dude”, and then proceed to come by and shake my hand. Sometimes it was easy being that guy, other times it was not. Now, fortunately I don't worry about that much because I live in Arkansas and am much more private and selective about sharing my status. Most times I feel good about bowing out of HIV related causes. However, I'm not totally out of the loop now.

For many reasons, I have slowed down considerably in many aspects of life. I can say that it suits me pretty good, because I have the time to enjoy things I like to do. I also wish I felt well enough to do those things more. Now-a-days those things are gardening, cooking, fishing and hanging out with my cats. They just love me...and likewise, I'm sure.

-Steve, 24 years

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