As far as I can remember I have been lonely and craved a way to soothe that horrible feeling. I was abused as a child. My Dad was always angry. I never saw him hit my mother or siblings but as the oldest and he hit me often. Years after I had left home he said he hit me because he knew I was different and he was angry that his son was different. I don’t know if this makes sense or not, but I was never a “gay” son, but I was gay. I never admitted it to anyone, never even mentioned it to anyone, but nevertheless I was. And this deep feeling that I was not wanted and somehow a failure to my dad caused me to remain hopelessly lonely. ...my experiences made me feel good and bad at the same time. When I graduated college and went into the workforce, I finally got brave enough to try to figure out sex. My feelings of loneliness and failure were overwhelming. Websites and adult bookstores were so easy to access, and they were filled with people. These sites also allowed me to remain anon...